Free website check.
Pop your web address in and the Roast-o-meter 3000 will load it like a customer’s phone would, check it for the things that lose you work, and tell you the worst one in about 30 seconds. Free, and no sales call.
Paste your address in. We’ll load it like a normal phone would, time it, and tell you the worst thing about it in about 30 seconds. Want the full list? Leave your email and we’ll send it over.
7.8 seconds to load on a phone. Wolf Laundry’s took ten, and over half their ad clicks gave up before it finished.
That’s the worst bit. There are 6 more. Where shall we send them?
No sales call. We’ll only email you the roast.
Sent. One of us will have a proper look too and drop you a line. (Example only. Nothing was sent.)
The Roast-o-meter’s logbook
0websites roasted so far
We don’t save a website address, we only save the stats.
What it checks
Eight things, checked the way a customer (and Google) would find them. Each one gets a Pass, a Could be better or a Fail.
Speed
How long it takes to load on a phone, whether things jump about as it loads, how quickly it responds, and how heavy the page and its pictures are.
Safe and sound
Whether it’s on HTTPS, whether any links or pictures are broken, and whether the software behind it is years out of date.
First impression
Whether the first screen says what you do, whether there’s an obvious next step, whether it looks like a real business, and whether it works on a phone.
Prices
Whether there’s a single price anywhere a customer would look. Most websites fail this one.
Getting in touch
Whether the phone number is easy to find, whether there’s a way to get in touch, and your address and opening hours if you’re a local business.
Trust
Reviews, examples of your work, stock photos, leftover placeholder text, and whether it looks abandoned.
Google
Whether Google’s allowed in, and the title, description, headings, business details, sitemap, picture descriptions and share preview.
AI search
Whether ChatGPT, Claude and Perplexity are allowed to read it, so you can turn up in their answers.
What happens next
- You get the scorecard and the worst thing, straight away.
- Want the full list? Leave your email and we’ll send every problem with a plain-English fix.
- Craig has a proper look too, and might drop you a line. That’s it. No mailing list. Ever.
Roast questions
Is it really free?
Yes. No card, no catch, no sales call. We’d rather you saw what’s wrong than guessed.
What do you do with my email?
Send you the roast, and let Craig follow up about it. We don’t add it to a mailing list. We keep the anonymous scores for our stats, never your website’s name. Ask and we’ll delete it.
Can I check a competitor’s website?
You can. We won’t tell them.
My website passed everything. Now what?
Annoyingly, it’s decent. The check covers the basics that lose people work. If it’s still not bringing enquiries in, that’s a bigger conversation, and a free call is where it starts.
Why is it called a roast?
Because it’s honest. Some of it stings, but every problem comes with a fix.
Want it fixed, not just roasted?
Book a free call. We’ll go through the roast with you and tell you what it’d take to put it right, with a fixed price.