- Video
When you haven’t got a clue what you want from your website
You’ve got a brief full of marketing jargon. The bloke behind the counter takes you at your word.
▶Play the video: When you haven’t got a clue what you want from your websiteSomebody walks into the website shop with a brief. It’s got all the right words on it. Qualified leads. A lead magnet. Keywords, long and short tail. A sales funnel. They know exactly what to ask for. They haven’t the faintest idea what any of it means.
Luckily, the bloke behind the counter has just the thing for every one of them.
Qualified leads
“Dog or electrical?” Business, apparently. Highly qualified ones. He’s got three. One has an NVQ, one has a degree, and one says it’s qualified but has only done a six-week online course. Qualified in what? Lead work, obviously.
A lead magnet, and some hooks
Next on the brief: a lead magnet, strong enough to hook any passer-by visiting the site. The hooks are over there. And the magnet’s done its job anyway. It’s attracted every qualified lead in the shop.
Keywords and a funnel
The web developer mentioned long and short-tail keywords, so the customer wants both. The short-tail one is a strong key with “word” written on it. The long-tail one is six foot long. Any longer and it wouldn’t fit through the door.
Finally, a sales funnel, as big as he’s got, to catch the qualified leads as well as the cold and warm ones. Leave the qualified ones long enough and they’ll go cold anyway. The funnel is impressive. It’s the biggest they’ve got.
The point behind it
It’s a silly sketch, and you’ll get 10 points if you can name the famous comedy sketch that inspired it. But it’s also what a lot of website briefs look like.
The words go into the brief because they sound like the right things to ask for. Then whoever builds the website takes it at face value, and you get exactly what you asked for, which isn’t what you needed.
A list of buzzwords isn’t a brief. “Qualified leads” doesn’t tell anybody who your customers are. “Sales funnel” doesn’t say what you want people to do when they land on your homepage. If you can’t explain a word on your brief in plain English, cross it out and write what you actually mean. Who are you trying to reach, what do they need to know, and what should they do next.
It also helps to know which shop you’re in. The customer in the sketch is in the site shop. The computer people are next door. He’s on a deadline, though, so he gets his website anyway.
If you’d like to know what your current website is doing wrong before you write a brief for the next one, roast it here.
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Read the full transcript
Hello. Is this the website shop? Yeah. Excellent. I have a brief here and I'd like to purchase one website with all of these things.
First of all, this venture of mine is going to require qualified leads. Dog or electrical? Business. Business leads? Yes, highly qualified ones, ideally. How highly qualified? Very, very, very. I've got just the thing for you. I've got three here. This lead's got an MVQ.
This one's got a degree and this one says it's qualified, but it's only done a 6-week online course. What are they qualified in? Lead work, obviously. I'll take the one with the degree. Good choice.
That's our most qualified lead. Uh next on my brief, I need a lead magnet. Have you got one? For this lead, obviously. How many leads does this lead magnet need to attract? Uh as many as possible, I suppose. I'm looking for a really, really strong one. I've got just the thing for you. Here you go. This lead magnet, my friend, would attract every qualified lead in this shop, not a problem. It should be able to hook in any passerby when they're visiting my site. No, the hooks are over there. No, I mean the magnet needs to attract potential customers. But it's already attracted all your qualified leads. Yes, I suppose it has.
Next, I've been told, I mean, I know I need keywords. Got just the thing for you. This is a strong short tail key with word written on it. Nothing snapping this bastard. Ah.
Wow. And hold on. And this is your long tail key with word written on it, 6 ft long. Any longer and it won't fit through that door. These qualified leads will be able to wrap themselves around these keywords very well, I can assure you. Excellent. The web developer did mention long and short-tail keywords. I'll take both of those bastards. Uh one final thing, I need a sales funnel for all this to go into. What kind? As big as you've got because it needs to capture as many of these qualified leads as possible as well as cold and warm leads. Well, I suspect if you leave these qualified leads long enough, they'll eventually turn cold. Yes, I suspect you're right. Don't worry though, I've got just the thing for you, a state-of-the-art funnel. Wow, that is certainly what one might say an impressive funnel. Well, there's no need to be sarcastic, but it is the biggest funnel that we've got. Yes, I suppose it will do for this website, but um I'm just wondering if perhaps everything we've got going on here is a little bit analog. Analog? Yeah, perhaps a little bit uh old-fashioned. No offense. Bollocks. You've got qualified leads here, you've got an extremely strong lead magnet, and it'll nearly fit inside all of your funnel. What more could you ask for for your site? Yes, uh I I suppose I suppose you're right. Hang on.
I thought you said this was the website shop. It is. Look, I'm Web, w e b e b b. This is the site shop, the website shop. Oh. The computer people are next door if that's who you're looking for. Uh any chance you could make me this website anyway? I'm on a deadline. I've got just the thing for you.